New Beginnings

I have been sick for an entire week.  I'm NEVER sick for more than a few days at a time and a rarely miss work.  I guess that's why it took me finally coughing so hard that I separated my ribs to get me to let Jacob take me in to urgent care yesterday.  I have atypical pneumonia, which means I'm coughing like crazy, but it'd a dry (uncomfortable) cough with minimal secretions.  But thanks to my rib injury that finally made me surrender and admit I couldn't fix this on my own, they gave me some wonderful medications and I can now peel myself off the couch and get something done. Today has been the first day I've felt well since this all started last Sunday.  The combination of steroids, antibiotics, pain, and cough medicines worked almost immediately. 

This morning I had an appointment with my therapist.  For the longest time I have been seeing a therapist (and during the times that I wasn't actively working with a therapist, I should have been).  For years I've battled with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and some self esteem issues (related to the above mentioned issues).  I had finally come to the conclusion that I would always require mental health counseling in some capacity indefinitely.  Today, I "graduated", as I like to call it.  I left the office without scheduling a follow up appointment.  I will now be seen on an "as needed" basis.  Before this, I had started going on a monthly basis, as opposed to weekly and bi-weekly.  I had done this once before, but ended up overwhelmed by the time the month was over.  This time was different.  I can't remember the last melt down I've had.  I've been overwhelmed and stressed out but I've been able to cope.  I've learned to somehow forgive myself for not being perfect all the time.  I've started to acknowledge how much I have on my plate and though I can't do everything, what I do accomplish is amazing.  I am a wonderful mom, despite my imperfections.  I do everything for them out of love.  I know that no one in the history of parenting has ever loved their children as much as I love mine.  My boys aren't perfect, but they are truly good kids and I raised them to be who they are.

Last week, Jacob found out that he passed his exit exam, all five sections, on the first try.  After he completes the last two classes he is in, he will have his bachelors degree.  He will start his new position at work, leading drug and alcohol rehab groups independently.  He is absolutely amazing at what he does (as I knew he would be.).  He enjoys it and his clients love him.  Tomorrow he leaves for his first conference.  He'll be out of town for three nights.  This is the longest we've ever been apart.

I feel really good all the way around today.  I'm recovering from this pneumonia crap and learning to cope better mentally and emotionally with life in general.  We are starting to see some results from all our hard work, me working full time and hating it while Jacob busts his butt to go to school and work.  Life has been so overwhelming that it had become difficult to see an end to our struggles.  I'm planning on making our time apart this week productive.  I'm stressed about him being away from me, since he grounds me and keeps me sane.  But I'm always complaining that I don't have any me time.  I want to take this time to get organized and set some goals.  Its time to eliminate some of the clutter (literally and metaphorically speaking) and create some good habits.  Its time for some new beginnings.

Connections

I cannot even begin to explain how it makes me feel when Zak willingly interacts with someone new.  Being on the autism spectrum, he couldn't care less about carrying on small talk.

This afternoon, I took all 3 boys to Hobby Lobby for craft supplies.  Zak was wearing a shirt with a symbol on the front.  The young guy working in the frame department acknowledged it and Zak started having a short conversation about Zelda with him (and apparently I'm an idiot for not knowing it was from Zelda *duh mom*).  It makes me so grateful that my boys are so into "nerdy", "geeky" stuff.  As my brother and I were discussing last night over the phone, he said (in not as many words) people who are different are extremely excepting of others who are different.

     I am so in love with how unique my children are.  On a similar note, while clothes shopping earlier today, all of my boys (hubby included) picked out bow ties.  Jacob and Bruce picked out pre-tied bow ties.  Zak and Dameon got on YouTube and learned how to tie their own.